Welcome to Functional Couple Friday With Brenda and Dylan (yes, they told me I could make up the aliases). Bren is 32 and Dylan is 34. They have been married 10 years and together for 14 years total, with three little boys, 5, 3, and 1. They seem to have a great connection and many romantic stories. Take it away, Bren!
Image may be NSFW.
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1. How, when, and where did you meet and what is the first thing you thought about your partner when you met?
Brenda: We crossed paths in Northwest Houston growing up (church, baseball leagues with brothers) but we actually met at a UT Basketball game. I was cheering and he & his friends had camped out to get court side tickets. He made small talk and kept calling me “cheerleader” (I was a chemical engineering major so that was a little annoying). I recognized him from growing up and said, “hey do you remember me?” He didn’t. He looked me up in the UT “stalk-serve”, called me the next day (Valentine’s Day) & we started chatting. we went on a marathon-long romantic date a week later and I was head over heels in love.
2. What is your favorite physical feature of your partner?
Brenda: Tall with hot muscles
Dylan: Hard to say a favorite part because she is a package deal, but her hair is incredible.
Like the real Brenda! And if he’s tall with hot muscles, that’s why he was able to successfully recover from “cheerleader.” Women are shallow. Sometimes.
3. What is your favorite personality trait of your partner?
Brenda: He’s really active. I LOVE that! We have so many adventures together and we can rest when we’re old.
Dylan: Her wonderfully positive attitude and joyful outlook on life.
4. What is something your partner does nearly every day that makes you happy?
Brenda: He kisses me on the lips and touches my hair everyday.
Dylan: She chooses joy daily.
5. What is the nicest thing your partner ever did for you, in your whole relationship? Describe in 2-3 sentences.
Brenda: His proposal was at the Houston Museum of sciences during the CHOXOLATE exhibit. He conspired with he museum to make a chocolate sculpture of his hand and his mothers with a beautiful ring on it. On Easter, he surprised me by taking me to the exhibit, proposing (after I thought we were going to be arrested because he was tampering with the exhibit), walking me outside to a horse drawn carriage where it took us to brunch with all of our parents. The museum had called the Houston chronicle to come and they took pictures and did a story.
Blah blah. Fine that’s pretty good.
Dylan: Due to some family issues growing up I was really anxious about having kids and she worked with me through counseling to overcome those fears. We were blessed to have a son and on my first Father’s Day she gave me a photo album book that captured all the joys we had together in the first year with our son.
6. List the top five best qualities of your spouse: physical, emotional, mental, anything.
Brenda: Seeks God, passionate for me, emotionally in tune & able to change, selfless, wonderfully contagious
Dylan:
7. What are the top five things you and your partner have in common? Values, interests, goals, etc.
Brenda: Love God
Love People
Equip our boys
Love adventures
Love each other deeply
8. Have you ever been in couples counseling. Why? Did it help?
Brenda: We started at year 2 because our fighting styles were explosive & unhealthy. We’ve never stopped going because when it’s two people against the issue, rather than against each other, freedom comes and change happens. We have been through generational curses, judgments, past wounds, character traits, beliefs, etc. We go back for tune ups when we need clarity.
Dylan: We have been to counseling both pre and post marriage. It has been revolutionary for us personally and our marriage.
9. How often do you hug? Kiss? Have sex?
Brenda: All the time- my love language is touch and his is secondarily so. Sex 2-4 times a week
Dylan: We hug and kiss all the time, at most greetings and goodbyes and passing each other in the house usually gets a touch of some sort. We usually have sex about 3 times a week.
It’s a unicorn! A woman with a touch love language ten years into marriage!
10. Which of you has a higher sex drive and how do you deal with any differences in sex drive between the two of you?
Brenda: We have equal passion and drive for each other but we rarely deny each other. We are understanding in this department (probably because there are so many areas of touch and intimacy other than sex).
Dylan: Our sex drive is fairly similar.
11. How long did you wait to have sex? Are you glad you had sex for the first time when you did?
Brenda: 10 months. We were trying to wait longer but the passion was high. We ended up stopping after a few months and waiting until our wedding night. That was awesome & such a memory!
Dylan: We waited 10 months to have sex. I think it would have been better for our relationship for us to have waited to marriage.
12. What is the number one issue you fight about, and are you working on resolving it? How?
Brenda: Control, stress, and communication style. We don’t have one major issue but mainly have issues when the other uses a tone or disengages.
Dylan: We fight about communication mostly. It’s the way we say things that are disrespectful or rude to each other that sparks something. It’s usually about how we say something rather than what we say or the subject that is the problem. We have been to counseling to learn to better communicate, especially after things escalate into a fight.
13. What are the top three stressors in your lives?
Brenda: 3 young boys
His high stress job
His grad school
Dylan:
14. What is one thing that you’re looking forward to as a couple?
Brenda: Leading tours in Israel, Greece, Jordan, Egypt, Rome someday
Dylan: Spending life together through all that is ahead of us has me so excited. I love being in this life with my wife and the adventure of raising our kids and building our family is what I am looking forward to doing together.
Well you showed her up there, Dyl. She won’t be so concrete again when you’re going to break out the big romantic speeches.
15. Fill this in: I am glad I married my partner because…
Brenda: He is the most amazing man with a big heart who deeply loves me & our boys and takes us on many adventures!
Dylan: She is an incredible woman who brings light to every day of my life.
Be romantic, guys. Just kidding, you are.
16. Give me one secret thought that you’ve never told your partner. Something you think about them, about the relationship, about yourself, anything.
Brenda: I think he’s my soul mate (but he doesn’t believe in soul mates). Also, he’s afraid of disappointing me but what he doesn’t realize is, if he does disappoint me, I will love & respect him anyway!
Dylan: She is a terrible singer. I also can’t sing…so our kids are doomed.
Love this couple! Go Texas, or however people would say that who are sports fans. I wish you guys had included a picture, but I appreciate your candor and love for each other anyway. I just really wanted to see her hair.
Till we meet again, I remain, The Blogapist Who Likes Texas, From Watching Friday Night Lights.